TDM 001. WELCOME TO THE CITY

[headandhand]

» 01. WELCOME WAGON

Wow, what a bunch of new faces! The city of Dualis hasn't seen anything like this in a long time, and they've seen some pretty crazy things. Chances are you're seeing some pretty crazy things, too, unless you're used to a lot of neon, robots, weird-ass technology, magic, and an omnipresent police force...and hey, if you are, congrats, you're gonna settle in juuuuust fine. But for the rest of you, the Head knows this has gotta be pretty overwhelming, right?

Well, since your quaint individual processing units are probably having a hard time, why not link up with another one? By which the Head means...

Hello, new citizens of Dualis, and welcome to your first monthly Network Adjacency Protocol~!

NAPs are a monthly community networking event similar to the Earth concept of speed dating! Two citizens (new arrivals and old hands alike) are placed at a table together with a handy cue card of queries to help break the proverbial ice. Ask queries and receive results, or ignore the card and yeet yourself straight into a brand new friendship! But don't be too shy, you've only got ten minutes together, and if you just sit in silence for the whole ten, then the Network Admins are likely to come supervise and try to repair the uplink through a mild shock to the ol' central nervous system. You might find yourself saying all sorts of unintended facts about yourself if that happens...probably better to just make friends, right?

» 02. A BUG IN THE CODE

Remember how the Head mentioned that whole plague thing? Well, don't worry, this isn't that.

It is, however, a really, really terrible flu circulating through the residents of Dualis. Symptoms include fever, chills, vomiting, hallucinations and even in some cases seizures. Bad news, all around. Luckily, this is something the Head knows how to deal with! Time for vaccinations, everyone~

The vaccination process is pretty straightforward: just head to your local clinic and get innoculated! You'll be in and out in less than ten minutes, MedDualis is pretty efficient that way. There isn't even a copay. The MedDroids will tell you, however, that there might be some minor side effects** to watch out for, including physical reactions and odd dreams, but don't worry--those will wear off within forty-eight hours. Nothing to concern yourself about! Of course, if that worries you, you could always run the risk of getting the flu--or passing it on to your loved ones...

**Possible side effects include: Gender or sex change, positive or negative size change, appearance alterations, shared dreams, and mild telepathic links, among others. Please contact your local MedDroid if these symptoms become too severe, or other side effects such as death occur.

» 03. TANSTAAFL

Well, you're settling in just fine, and the basic accommodations and amenities are okay, but maybe you've got a hankering to see that new VR Film: SHARKS IN SPACE 85: BLACK HOLE SHARK DO DO DO DO DO DO DO. Or maybe you want some sweet new duds to wear around town, or even just an actual slab of steak. Sorry, those cost extra, pal, which means it's time for...

JOB HUNTING.

Fortunately, Dualis makes this pretty easy! There's a job fair on this week, down at the Central Hub! Plug your certifications and skills into any of the EmployMe terminals in the Dualis Central Hub, and the computer will auto-generate a currently open job that it feels you'd be best suited for. No resume writing or lengthy application process required! Of course, whether or not this job sounds like the right job for you is another matter...but hey, how could an AI with millions of years of learning be wrong? Time to get started, or try and switch waivers with another unhappy new employee--but be warned, some unforeseen consequences may occur if you try swapping identities with someone else...

Comments

Dick Grayson | Titans

[holyfuckbatman]

01

[Dick is a charming guy under the right circumstances. At least, that's the theory.

Circumstances where he's expected to make casual smalltalk do not qualify. This is a nightmare.

The card was about favorite cereal. Dick has been talking without stop for the past three minutes.]

The fact that all bananas are genetically identical is a real problem for farmers. A bad disease could wipe out the entire crop. It's not sustainable, but too much genetic engineering carries its own risks.

[His poor conversation partner.]

03

[Dick stares at the screen. The words don't change. He keeps staring. Look at the job, continuing to not change. Dick touches the screen, trying to get it to go back and let him try again. No avail. Finally, he sighs, looking around for someone who might be able to help him with this.]

I just don't see how "years of police training and experience as a detective" leads to "swimsuit model."

o hai

[mrsarcastic003]

Tim glances over his shoulder at the screen. "Well, this is a job fair. The interviewers were probably considering your other assets." Pause. Smirk. "By which I mean your ass, in case that was a question."

[holyfuckbatman]

"Thanks. You were being so subtle before." There really wasn't a question. Dick's pretty aware of what the requirements are for swimsuit models, and also pretty aware that he meets them.

"So what you're saying is I shouldn't have put has a nice ass on my resume."

[mrsarcastic003]

"I'm just saying those probably aren't the words that suggest 'ace detective.' Maybe if you'd included your perdiem coffee consumption, it might have tilted the odds in your favor."

[holyfuckbatman]

"Hey, which one of us has actually been a cop? I know the requirements." And having a nice ass is not among them.

[mrsarcastic003]

"Ahh, of course, my mistake." He nods solemnly. "You would know better than me what they want to see on a job application. Maybe the requirements in Bludhaven are different than they are here. I'm sure modeling swimsuits will be just as rewarding, though."

[holyfuckbatman]

“Bludhaven?” He glances over at Tim. “Is that where I went in your world? It’s pretty close to Gotham.”

[mrsarcastic003]

He nods. "After New York. Are you still in New York?"

[holyfuckbatman]

"I'm not in either of them. I'm in Detroit." He frowns. "Well, I was, anyway. Before I moved back to San Francisco to restart the Titans."

1

[skyward_eyes]

[Three minutes of his life. That Nida is never going to get back. At all. And he just sits there, not sure how to cut into this avalanche of information. Hell, he isn't even fond of the fruit in question. Though he has now learned that technically a banana is a berry and that is DISTURBING.]

I like honey nut Os.

[Maybe if he thrusts the words in, right after that warning about genetic engineering, he can stop this.]

They are sweet like honey, and they are nutty. And the shape is perfect for keeping them appropriately moist. And that is literally all I have to say about the matter.

[holyfuckbatman]

Uh. Right. [Somewhere, Donna is facepalming. Dick searches for a response to that and comes up with the brilliant:] Generic brand or original cheerio?

[skyward_eyes]

Cheerio?

[Nida's brow scrunches up at that comment. What's a cheerio? His world didn't have those, and this place? Not exactly rolling in name-brand.]

Uh, the brand is like... some sort of metal and a field? Like... Bronze Fields. Or was it Tin Meadows?

[holyfuckbatman]

Fields would make more sense than meadows. Fields are where you grow crops. Meadows just have wild flora.

[skyward_eyes]

[Really? Nida just bites his lip. Because he doesn't want a lecture on those too.]

You're... a bit full of information that isn't strictly necessary, are you?

[holyfuckbatman]

[Dick grimaces.] Well, it’s hard to call any information about cereal necessary. I know other things too.

[skyward_eyes]

[Oh no. Please don't start on other things. Nida raises his hand to try and briefly silence the man.]

Maybe, you know, stick with no more than three sentences on any subject, right? So, let's start with something easy. What did you do back home?

[holyfuckbatman]

[That's where the problem comes in. He's perfectly capable of making conversation when he can actually talk about what he does back home. It's trying to talk around the superhero stuff that gets him in trouble.]

I'm a detective.

[skyward_eyes]

[Yeah, talking about stuff back home tends to be complicated. But Nida's a former spy and assassin for hire, so he gets it.]

Detective? Interesting. You might want to meet Connor and Hank, then. They work with the police here. They own an android dog.

01!

[punchpunchkisskiss]

[ Finn is trying his hardest to follow this conversation. He's been friends with Princess Bubblegum for ages, it's not like he's totally incompetent in a science talk. Still, his perspective here is so far removed from cereal. ]

But... if something like that happened, couldn't you just like, engineer a cure? I mean, that's how they were made in the first place, isn't it?

[holyfuckbatman]

[Dick isn't actually an expert on banana science. He picked it up at some point and retained it and he's not sure if right now he's glad or if he regrets it. He can recognize that maybe this conversation isn't going as well as it could be.]

I mean, I guess they'd have to. But it wouldn't solve the problem, just delay it.

[punchpunchkisskiss]

That's okay though, as long as they're feeling better, right? I mean, nobody lives forever.

[holyfuckbatman]

[Now Dick is confused.] ....are we still talking about bananas?

[punchpunchkisskiss]

Well, yeah.

[ That's the one part of this conversation he was confident in. ]

Banana Guards, right? 'Cause they were all made in PB's lab.

[holyfuckbatman]

Banana... guards? [Dick just looks blank.] I just meant the fruit.

[punchpunchkisskiss]

The ones that guard the Candy Kingdom, yeah.

[ Now he's confused. ]

I thought bananas for eating grew out of the ground.

[ Some things they really don't teach you in school... Especially if you never attend one. ]